another yuk

He wants to take me on a cruise. I found a knitting cruise. He's thinking about it. I don't know if I can even do it, seven days in a cabin with him. At least during the day I'll be busy.

Tonight when he got home he didn't kiss me. I guess he hadn't washed up. We had an incident like that before when he didn't clean up and came home and kissed me. Yuk.

I really am looking forward to yarn school, four days without him.

Such an ass

He returned from four days in Maryland for his new job training last night at 10:30, was in bed by 10:45. Today he spent the day with her. Couldn't miss the day since she didn't "get her Tuesday". Said he'd be home at 5, got home at 7. I should have just gone out to dinner like I wanted to instead of coming home from SSK. I really want to tell him I can't brunch Sunday, I have plans.

Trouble?

So, last Tuesday he didn't go out, his hoochie had hives and wanted to stay at home to heal. He said today that he was available tomorrow for organizing the studio. I guess she's blown him off, again. I can't wait to hear this story.

double yuk

At brunch this morning, I said I was going to call a foot doc to get some help and perhaps some new orthotics, then maybe we could go to Renaissance Festival. He said, "you really want to go and do all that walking and get all tired and stuff?"

"Yes". sez I.

"Oh, I already asked Doris and she said she was interested in going, but I guess I can go twice."

"Nope, you take her, I wouldn't feel like it was a special day if I knew you'd already been with her."

"That doesn't make sense, what difference does it make?"

Sigh. He'll never learn.

Tonight he asked if I wanted to go to Santa-Cali-Gon for lunch tomorrow. (?) Lunch? I said no, and that's not going to make it all better, you've already put her before me by asking her to to to the R. Festival and not waiting to see if I wanted to go.

"You're mad at me for something that hasn't happened, yet?"

"Oh, but it has, you asked her already. Just take her and forget it. Why don't you just move in with her?"

"That would be deserting you."

Huh? I think that's happened already.

More stupidez

Last night was his "date" night, he came home early because it was his show night. How wonderful she must feel to know that he left early because of a tv show.

When he came home, he kissed me hello and asked me "do I smell ok, dear?" How sad, that he couldn only think of that, instead of knowing that I don't want to be touched like that when he comes home from her.

Tonight he asked if I wanted to go to the Rennaisance Festival, Santa-cali-gon or someplace else I can't remember. Because, if I didn't want to go, he would take hoochie. I told him it doesn't make me feel any better knowing that when he asks me if I want to go somewhere if I don't say yes, he's going to ask her, because he "has to have someone to do things with", since I'm so handicapped. (His words). I told him that if I was so handicapped, why was he even asking me to go somewhere? I think I want to go everywhere. It will do two things: 1. show him I'm not handicapped, and 2. keep her from going. But at what cost? I'll be worn out.

yuk

Last night when he came home from hoochie's he kissed me hello. He smelled of her, hadn't even washed his face. Gross. I was talking to C. so I didn't say anything. Then he went to bed. I've been thinking all day about what to say to him. He never sees anything as a problem. But, I'm going to write him an e-mail. He needs to know.

more of the same

He took me to dinner last night at the Oyster bar at the boat and tonight to the Falcon. Trying to make nice, because tomorrow is his date with hoochie. Doesn't work. Food doesn't make me accept her in ANY way.

I hate my life.

bleh

Last Saturday he went to hoochie's. I did find out that they are, at least, using condoms. SHE insisted. I'm sure that didn't make him happy, but thinking about how badly he wanted sex, I guess he puts up with it.

Last night (Tuesday) he went over there, and came home an hour early...his show was on! Nice to know where his priorities lie. He's asked her to go to Camp Gaea to the poly meeting next month. She said she'll think about it, but she hates camping. I hope S and her man have a go at him.

Tonight he got news of a job interview tomorrow. If he gets the job he might not be able to go to Gaea. Sad, no? But, it's midnight to eight AM. Totally messes up my day. Gotta do something.

Time marches on.

SOS

Tomorrow he has a job interview in Columbia, after which he's going to the hoochie's for a little nooge. I have to whole day to myself, beginning with lunch somewhere where I can be a lone and read. Then, out to 39th to the bookstore. Yay me.

date night

He left after me today, around 12, got home at 8:30. Said he'd be home about nine. Wonder what happened.

He wants to take me to Jamesport to the Amish community. When I asked why, he said we hadn't had a vacation, yet. Vacation? One day? YSR.

Yak

Yesterday I found out he was going to the hoochie's about a half hour before he left. Nice notice.

Today, an e-mail telling me he's taking her to the movies while I'm at SnB, and will be home about nine. A movie? From 11 to nine? Yeah, and I'm Talulah Bankhead.

I'm so tired.

OMG!

Tonight I got a note that there was mail at Fish, (I had to register to check out his hoochie) guess who's picture came up as a new choice for me? Himself. And, what he had written in his bio was CRAP! That his ill wife had given him permission to go out with other women because she couldn't do much. Jeez, it's all over the freakin' internet. And, with his freakin' picture all big and proud. Fucking lier.

too nice?

He's written our friend and told her right now he's not working he doesn't want to do the counseling. As usual, he doesn't want to and it was his idea for ME. I'm glad that S. knows him and will see what a derf he is. Jerk.

boredom

Tomorrow is the trip to Sedalia, he's taking me. He offered. I was suprised, because he's usually out with the hoochie on Tuesday. He's trying to be nice since Saturday's big night out.

Yesterday, after brunch, I said I wanted to go to Pier I. He was "happy" to take me. And, he actually spent about $15 on me there. Another way he tries to make nice after he's out with the current "her".

Life stumbles on.

Starlight

He went to Starlight tonight with the hoochie. He hated it, it was hot and he couldn't hear anything and he hated the play. (-:

Plus, he got home at 12:45, and was really tired. Said hi, how was your day, good night. It's not so easy to date and run the streets late at night.

dinner meet

Met Sionna for dinner. She listened and took notes. She wants to talk to huzbeast, too, to see what his take is. I told her what he'd say. Mark my words. "She doesn't clean, she doesn't cook, she doesn't fuck. What good is she?" And, he says if he wasn't married to me, he'd be dating three women by now. The women don't want to go out with him because he's married. I told him to stop trolling the singles lists.

sicko

His date tomorrow is maybe. She may be looking for someone else, since he's married. And, she's asked him to go to Starlight Saturday. That hurt. But, I didn't say anything. He's trying to make me happy but doesn't know how. NOT! I've been telling him for 11 years.

Sigh, I hate it all.

Tomorrow is dinner with Sionna. I asked him tonight if he had a date tomorrow evening, because I had plans. He really wanted to ask what, but I just went on to something else. He guessed if she cancelled on him, he could fix pizza because the AC is fixed and he can use the oven.

Cooler

Meeting Sionna Tuesday for coffee. That's the night he's got his hoochie date. He thinks she's going to break it off. Like I care.

Sionna is meeting me because she thinks I need to vent. He thinks it's because she's going to "council" me. Snerk.

As the stomach turns

K-Nerd- The Other Story

He made an appointment FOR me with Sionna, just to talk. She said she'd meet me for coffee. I tried to explain to him that this is something that he should clear with me first. His reason? He was at work and he HAD to do it right then. So, I wrote Sionna and told her I'd be glad to have coffee, but notice that he hadn't asked me if I wanted to meet with her.

He didn't get it.

k-nerd- the other story

And so it goes. He posted his "private" post to me on the list, trying to prove that he was making an attempt to make things right. Hah. It was more of the same rhetoric. "I need to have a woman, I'm still young, I need to hug and cuddle" yadda, yadda, yadda. I answered his post with my own, mentioning that he just said the same shit he's been saying for years. And then told them all the story of how I came to read the post, about him forcing me to do it on his time. Rat.

K-Nerd- The Other Story

After all the flurry on the polylist, I kind of expected him to at least try to talk things over. Nope. He sent me an e-mail. More of the same stuff. No change...I have to have another woman, it's my dream, you can't be physical anymore.

He's such an ass. It's all about him. Everything that comes down the pike has to be his way. Then he tries to tell me he loves me. Bull. If someone loves another, they don't want to be with someone else.

'Nuff

another day in the life

K-Nerd- The Other Story

He visited with his son today after work, came in later. He called me to see where I was, I was at McDonalds. He stopped in to see me, bought me an icecream. Then, when I got home, he was asleep. When he woke, he watched tv, then free cell. Said about five words to me all evening, but trying to be nice.

He told me that he'll be seeing his friend on Saturdays because I have knitting group. Nice. He even had to tell me what they're going to do.

He didn't answer my post on the list, about what our problems are. I don't think he wants the list to know. I bared it all, and no one even let out a peep.

K-Nerd- The Other Story

Another day of strife. And now, it's on the internet, on the list. Everything I write he responds with book rhetoric. Compersion...bull crap. I just hope this woman makes him happy, 'cause he needs it, according to him. If he hadn't been able to go out with other women he'd have left me five years ago. (His words).

K-Nerd- The Other Story

And so it goes. He's got a date tomorrow after work. Oh well, I have a me day tomorrow. I'll eat somewhere different and go shop for a new shirt.

At dinner we discussed his behavior, he says it's all my fault, because I can't have sex. Yeah, right. Even when we did have sex, he had to have other women.

SOP, no change, no chance. I will find my bliss elsewhere.

Saturday's best

It is my best day. Knitting group, shopping, lunch, a good day, altogether. Then, home. bummer.

The SS went out with friends and won't be back tonight. They were going out to eat and then to a late movie. I like it that he has friends and goes out. Of course, huzbeast was "hurt" that he decided to go out. Jeez, the kid is 18, and has a social life. He's past wanting to spend Saturday night with daddie.

I guess the huz wished he could spend the evening with his hoochie.

Visiting S-S

Huzbeast's son is visiting for the weekend, so he's home and acting all sweet. Even took my hand and kissed it in the car on the way to dinner. Hah.

We got home, I started watching TV, he sat down to watch, fell asleep, slept two hours and woke up, saying: "I guess I'd better go to bed". I asked what he'd been doing already, "checking the tv show". Yeah, sure.

Tomorrow they're going to his daughter's place, I go to knitting crew. Can't wait.

So much for that

He had his little date, I wasn't home when he got home. He was actually curious where I'd been. He didn't say anything about his date. Hope it went all wrong, but I know it didn't. He doesn't care about anything like feelings, it's all about sex.

I went to Bob Evans for dinner, then to the dollar store to get some clear storage bins. I'm working in my room, and I'd like to see what's in the containers so I won't be constantly having to open them and look inside.

And so it goes

The K-Nerd

OK, well today I got a post from huzbeast...he'd sent a msg. to a woman on the poly list, but he'd forgotten to change the address and it went out over the list. He'd mentioned me and something I didn't like about him dating. So, today, we had the "talk". About the rules of dating, about how he had to treat me the same, etc. He also told me a lot (TMI) about the hoochie. It's a train wreck, way lots of baggage. I'll just watch.

I'm starting a new phase of sleep disorder. I can't sleep until really late (like 4 AM) and then I have to sleep later to make up for it, which means I can't sleep until late the next night...ad nausium. Happens regularly. And, given that he's starting up again, it give me more to think about while trying to sleep.

I hate my life.

The K-Nerd

The K-Nerd
Tonight when he went to bed he groped my boobs, like some young, stupid boy. Yuk. Trying to be sweet. He hasn't mentioned the hoochie or what happened.

The K-nerd alter ego

The K-Nerd
I don't know what happened today when he met his woman, but after he called me to see where I was eating and could he meet me. I was already leaving and he went to the O club to sell fireworks. When he came home he was again talkative, trying to make nice. Too late.

The Knitting Nerd-alter ego

The Knitting Nerd-alter ego

A certain sadness touches me
In thoughts to deep to bear,
Not that I've ceased to love you,
But that I've ceased to care.

He's found another woman. Here we go again. I am so tired of it all. He was so sweet, trying to give me a massage (which creeps me out) and all. Then we were in the kitchen and he told me that he's met another on-line hoochie and was to call her Sunday morning to make a date to meet. That was the reason for the massage, trying to be nice. As if.

The last time we went through this I told him I couldn't tolerate it again. He's just so positive that I will always be here. And, he thinks it's ok to have another woman as long as he tells me about it. I. AM. SO. VERY. TIRED. OF. THIS.

The Knitting Nerd

The Knitting Nerd
Another place to find me...

http://blog.360.yahoo.com/blog/

Thinking of moving...

my blog to this place. Yahoo360 doesn't have some of the cool stuff that Blogger has. I want to be able to add buttons and other stuff like the big girls.

We'll see, the other blog has a lot to move.

How fair is this?

I've decided to use the photo that my friend revamped for me. Who cares what I really look like? Not me. This one is prettier.