another yuk

He wants to take me on a cruise. I found a knitting cruise. He's thinking about it. I don't know if I can even do it, seven days in a cabin with him. At least during the day I'll be busy.

Tonight when he got home he didn't kiss me. I guess he hadn't washed up. We had an incident like that before when he didn't clean up and came home and kissed me. Yuk.

I really am looking forward to yarn school, four days without him.

Such an ass

He returned from four days in Maryland for his new job training last night at 10:30, was in bed by 10:45. Today he spent the day with her. Couldn't miss the day since she didn't "get her Tuesday". Said he'd be home at 5, got home at 7. I should have just gone out to dinner like I wanted to instead of coming home from SSK. I really want to tell him I can't brunch Sunday, I have plans.

Trouble?

So, last Tuesday he didn't go out, his hoochie had hives and wanted to stay at home to heal. He said today that he was available tomorrow for organizing the studio. I guess she's blown him off, again. I can't wait to hear this story.

double yuk

At brunch this morning, I said I was going to call a foot doc to get some help and perhaps some new orthotics, then maybe we could go to Renaissance Festival. He said, "you really want to go and do all that walking and get all tired and stuff?"

"Yes". sez I.

"Oh, I already asked Doris and she said she was interested in going, but I guess I can go twice."

"Nope, you take her, I wouldn't feel like it was a special day if I knew you'd already been with her."

"That doesn't make sense, what difference does it make?"

Sigh. He'll never learn.

Tonight he asked if I wanted to go to Santa-Cali-Gon for lunch tomorrow. (?) Lunch? I said no, and that's not going to make it all better, you've already put her before me by asking her to to to the R. Festival and not waiting to see if I wanted to go.

"You're mad at me for something that hasn't happened, yet?"

"Oh, but it has, you asked her already. Just take her and forget it. Why don't you just move in with her?"

"That would be deserting you."

Huh? I think that's happened already.

More stupidez

Last night was his "date" night, he came home early because it was his show night. How wonderful she must feel to know that he left early because of a tv show.

When he came home, he kissed me hello and asked me "do I smell ok, dear?" How sad, that he couldn only think of that, instead of knowing that I don't want to be touched like that when he comes home from her.

Tonight he asked if I wanted to go to the Rennaisance Festival, Santa-cali-gon or someplace else I can't remember. Because, if I didn't want to go, he would take hoochie. I told him it doesn't make me feel any better knowing that when he asks me if I want to go somewhere if I don't say yes, he's going to ask her, because he "has to have someone to do things with", since I'm so handicapped. (His words). I told him that if I was so handicapped, why was he even asking me to go somewhere? I think I want to go everywhere. It will do two things: 1. show him I'm not handicapped, and 2. keep her from going. But at what cost? I'll be worn out.

yuk

Last night when he came home from hoochie's he kissed me hello. He smelled of her, hadn't even washed his face. Gross. I was talking to C. so I didn't say anything. Then he went to bed. I've been thinking all day about what to say to him. He never sees anything as a problem. But, I'm going to write him an e-mail. He needs to know.

more of the same

He took me to dinner last night at the Oyster bar at the boat and tonight to the Falcon. Trying to make nice, because tomorrow is his date with hoochie. Doesn't work. Food doesn't make me accept her in ANY way.

I hate my life.